


Serial No. 13: Externalization

by pandorasv13



Series: Serial No. 13 [1]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Friendship/Love, M/M, Manipulation, Murder, Obsessive Behavior, POV First Person, Serial Killers, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:22:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time it happened was by accident. I totally didn’t mean for things to go down like that, but he was such a pest and I guess you could say I lost it. Really, I’m pretty sure I swung too hard and then he went down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

The first time it happened was by accident. I totally didn’t mean for things to go down like that, but he was such a pest and I guess you could say I lost it. Really, I’m pretty sure I swung too hard and then he went down.

“R-Really?” the girl across from me asked.

You know, it’s strange. People never complain about adrenaline junkies. There are some adults and friends who will show mild concern, but nothing more than that.

“Yup, that’s right,” I smiled at her, stirring my drink around. The ice tinkled in the bubbly soda.

So what makes one adrenaline stimulator different from another? Better yet, what makes an animal any less than a human? A human any greater than another human? A god mightier than all things? Who decided these rankings? These morals? These ideals?

“T-Then…I mean, what?” she stuttered.

I shrugged. “We should probably go on another date or something, huh?”

That’s the thing. I don’t know who made up that bullshit. Someone must’ve had a hell of a lot of free time and even more bogus air stifling their higher thinking. Of course, I didn’t start questioning these things until after that accident. It got me thinking. Why was I scared? Why was I guilty? Why should I feel guilty? Didn’t I do exactly what I needed to make my unease go away? Who said I’m not allowed to solve my problems? We’re always being taught to be self-reliant or something like that, so that was me being self-reliant.

“Kyuhyun? Are you listening?”

I blinked. Shit. What was she saying? “Uh, no.”

Her face flushed. “I was saying that I wanted to get out of here. Do you mind?” She looked around the café and then I saw her fidgeting for the first time.

“Where’d you wanna go?”

“Maybe back to my place?” her voice got softer.

Oh, that’s what she wanted. People are a little quirky aren’t they? The moment someone says they like someone else, things kind of explode after that. She probably hasn’t even considered the possibility that I’m just screwing around. There’s nothing particularly attractive about her – a common issue with the people I go out with.

“Sure,” I stood up, paying for the bill and checking my watch.

The first thing I noticed about her was the too large space between her eyes. Supposedly, a person has exactly one of their eye width’s between eyes. She seems to have an extra centimeter or so. Furthermore, her upper lip is too thin for her bottom lip, that skin is damaged from make-up use, her chest cavity is visible – probably from not eating, her cuticles are chewed, and her teeth have been whitened a few too many times. I shuddered to think what her naked body looked like.

“So…what do you like about me?” she prompted with a smile.

It was a little hard to suppress a laugh. What should I say to that? Stupid question, of course I knew what to say. “Your eyes, your lips, your skin,” I paused and looked at her chest for a brief moment, just long enough for her to notice, “your figure, your fingers, your smile, maybe everything.”

Just a play on words, it wasn’t a crime.

 We walked down the city street. There were streetlamps slowly turning on and by the time we arrived to the low-income apartments, it was already dark. Living in a big city was already hard enough as a college student, so the government had been kind enough to create a small district of budgeted housing for people attending university.

“I don’t mean this in a bad way,” she began. Fuck, whenever people start things like that, I just know it’s going to end with something that’ll piss me off.

“Hmm, what is it?” I faked a smile.

“I know you’re really great friends with Ryeowook, but…he’s a little annoying,” she gave me sad eyes that I wanted to gouge out, “He can be really nice and all, but he’s always trying to talk to me. Whenever we see each other, he looks at me and he’s just so—”

Our lips locked because I made them: anything to shut her up. She grabbed my jacket sleeve and pulled herself closer to me.

Like I was saying earlier, the concept of being self-reliant can be interpreted in many ways. For example, this girl needs to disappear, and I doubt anyone would be so generous as to do that for me. That’s why I’ll do it myself.

She stiffened in my arms, jerking unnaturally when I pulled the syringe out of her neck. It was messier the first time I did it; then again, the first time was really an accident. Every time since then hasn’t been such the case, as you would expect. I lifted her up and carried her down the street. It’s a very convenient chemical: ammonia, that is. After all, it’s lethal as hell, common in household products, and just so quick to kill.

It’s self-reliance. I’m protecting what I care about and that’s never a bad thing. If people can be killed for attacking a king or queen, then aren’t I allowed to create my own laws – my own ideal for a king or queen? Someone must have decided who was noble. I feel that I deserve to do the same.  

_Bzzt….bzzt…_

“Mm…hello?” I mumbled, tossing the shovel aside.

“Hey, where are you? It’s Saturday night,” a voice whined.

I cracked a smile as I knelt down and tightened the rope around her body bag. It couldn’t even be considered a “him” or “her” at that point. “Sorry, Ryeowook,” I apologized, “I’ll be over as soon as I can. Something came up and it’s taking a little longer to finish up than usual.”

“Well hurry up,” he huffed, “or else I’m going to eat all of this food by myself and cry.”

I laughed, stifling a grunt when I finally managed to roll the corpse into the hole. Over the years, I had learned that the fatal flaw in any man was the inability to break habit. That’s why I simply shifted the habit. I’m no exception to the habits of a sociopath. I’ll admit that I’ve done my research; I may even be okay with defining myself. In the beginning, I refused to think that I was as weak as those dubbed “serial killers.”

However, I came to realize that I did have a pattern.

Whenever the need arose, I would perform it on a Saturday night before meeting up with Ryeowook.

“Don’t laugh! I’m serious!” he complained, “okay, I’m waiting for you, Kyuhyun! See you soon!”

He has such a sweet voice. When I hear it, shivers roll up my spine and I’m not ashamed to say that. In fact, I would take it a step further. Just thinking about him makes me absolutely high. In his presence, all I can think about is the way he smells and speaks and looks. I want to touch him and love him and make him go as crazy as I am.

I packed the last of the dirt in and sighed. “Next time it should be the ocean.”

***

“What took you so long?” Ryeowook frowned, taking my arm and pulling me inside the apartment. There was a white apron tied around his slender waist and I swear I felt my throat go dry.

Oh, you know, I just killed a chick, buried her in the woods, and ran over as soon as possible. “I was on a date. What else is new?” I grinned, letting him lead me into the living room. I caught Ryeowook around his torso, dragging him down onto the couch with me. His laugh was like the sound of a thousand angels singing in my ear.

“You’re such a player,” he chuckled, craning his neck to look at me. I licked my lips, trying desperately not to touch him more than I had already done. Fuck, I could smell him. There was a scent of baked goods and cologne coming off of him and it took all of my power not to bury my face in his neck.

“I don’t think I’m a player,” I teased, “she wasn’t very fun to be honest. I walked her home and then left.”

“Hmm, what was her name?” Ryeowook asked, grabbing the remote and bowl of popcorn. He pressed play on the film and then picked up a piece of popcorn.

Leaning over, I took it from him, smirking at his expression. “Tastes good,” I stated, swallowing and keeping him against my body. How could someone be that warm? His face was right next to mine, those beautiful eyes flickering up and down. “Did you make it?” I spoke against his ear, unable to help myself. A small smile made its way onto my lips when his breath hitched. So he did notice me.

“No, I just popped it in the microwave,” Ryeowook laughed.

I glanced at the television and snorted. “No way. Are we seriously watching this?”

“What’s wrong with a romantic comedy?”

“Did you just hear yourself?” I made a face, but chuckled when he tried to push me away. This was our one sacred night together every week and I treasured it like the last drop of water, the final breath I could take, the end of the world. He just knew how to make me happy. He’s the only person who knows how to make me happy.

I just wish I had the guts to tell him these things. In the end though, I can’t do it. Ryeowook is different. My entire life, no one has ever meant a thing to me. The day we met though…

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Life was a drag in so many senses. I had lived fourteen years without having met even one person who was remotely interesting. My parents tried over and over again to make me branch out and meet people, but it never worked. No one was good enough, funny enough, sincere enough…just never _enough_.

Then one day I was sitting in class and Kim Ryeowook entered my life. Well, he sort of entered my life, it was more like he came into the classroom and I didn’t see him, but eventually I did see him. No, it wasn’t an immediate attraction; that would be weird.

Anyway, I looked up and saw him. At first, I thought he was actually a she, but that wasn’t the case. Can you blame me? He’s really pretty. And god, when he smiles I feel like I’m dying in the best way possible.

The first time we actually spoke was two weeks after ending up in the same first year class. I had been toying with a magazine, reading a movie review, when his voice appeared next to my ear. A jolt coursed through me, but I didn’t show it. He said, “Oh, have you seen that one? It’s really good.”

“No I haven’t,” I responded casually, “I might watch it.”

Ryeowook giggled and I felt a strange shockwave inside. “What? The review wasn’t good enough for you? It’s one of my favorite new movies.”

It was such a mundane conversation. I didn’t even like watching movies all that much. For some reason though, I didn’t want it to end. Maybe I wanted to know why he had such an overwhelming hold on me. It was the very first time someone had sent chills down my spine. “What else is good?” I asked.

“Well, there’s…” and then he went off on a tangent about an assortment of movies I never planned on watching. Ryeowook was so excited that I couldn’t stop him. Besides, maybe I wanted to watch him for a while longer without being a creep.

“Hey, if you want, you can come over this Saturday and we’ll watch a movie,” he offered suddenly.

I blinked and cleared my throat, trying to recall what had been going on up until this point. “Who else is going?” I blurted, because that’s what people normally ask.

“Anyone,” Ryeowook shrugged, “I’ll invite our class and see who’s actually interested.”

“Okay,” I had mumbled, only a little disappointed that he hadn’t said it would be just the two of us. I would never call it love and first sight because that wasn’t quite the case. We had been around each other for a while; it was just the first time we had spoken.

That was the night everything began – in terms of falling for Ryeowook. I wouldn’t kill anyone until a year or so later. We’ll get to that another time, though. So, that night, I went over to his house, greeted his parents like a good kid, and went into the living room to see a group of boys sitting around laughing and eating.

“What’s up, Kyuhyun?” Ryeowook called, appearing in the doorway of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn. “Sit wherever you want.”

“Thanks,” I nodded, choosing a seat on the couch. Leaning down, I grabbed a drink from the cooler: popping the tab. Ryeowook came to sit down next to me and grinned in his adorable way. “What are we watching?” I prompted, taking some popcorn.

“I think it’s a war movie,” he responded, “One of my friends chose it.”

The movie started after that, so we all just sort of shut up. Well, I do recall one kid that I wanted to punch in the face for heckling. Aside from that, everything was going along normally, even mundanely. You know what, it was insanely boring. I was starting to doubt that connection I made with Ryeowook in class. But things always have a way of working out.

I felt a soft pressure on my shoulder and when I looked down, he had fallen asleep. The bowl of popcorn was starting to tip, so I grabbed it and set it aside. His chest was rising and falling lightly, evenly. Those pale lips were faintly parted and terribly kissable.

Let’s make a note here. I might be gay by the terms of other people. In my eyes though, I see beautiful or ugly. Does it matter if he’s a man or a woman? Not really. I would still be attracted to the same features. A girl with pretty eyes or a nice smile could be equally matched by a guy with the same things.

Now let’s get back to it.

No, I didn’t kiss him that night. I wouldn’t kiss him until the night we went out drinking to celebrate our college acceptances.

“Is he asleep?”

I looked up, seeing an affectionate pair of eyes. It was a boy and he was smiling like an idiot at Ryeowook. “Yes, he’s asleep,” I muttered, brushing my cheek against his hair. God, it was still soft back then.

“Cute like a girl, huh?” he chuckled quietly, giving me a sparkly smile that I could just tear right off.

“Guess so,” I breathed, hand twitching towards Ryeowook. How small was his waist anyway? “Pass me the blanket,” I stated, nodding towards the red pile on the floor.

The guy did so and said, “He must be chilly.”

How would I know if he was chilly? I just didn’t want anyone to see me touching him. I would say it wasn’t sexual, but my intentions weren’t exactly pure. Once the blanket fell over us, I immediately closed my hand around his waist, impressed to find how tiny it was. His skin was smooth underneath the thin shirt. It would only take a little more and…

I slid my fingertips down to the hem, slipping past it. The moment I felt him, I jerked back from a shock. It woke him up at the same time and our eyes locked. “Uh…sorry, I thought you would be cold,” I shrugged.

“Oh, thanks,” Ryeowook smiled, “I was a little cold.” He sighed and leaned back down on my shoulder.

“Why did you host a party if you were tired,” I mumbled close to his ear, “You’re obviously falling asleep.”

He laughed sweetly, snuggling closer to me. “I promised everyone before I realized I would be so busy earlier today.” Ryeowook was asleep then and I had begun to experience my first and last love.

***

“Kyuhyun, what are you doing?”

I blinked back to attention, looking down to see that my hands had made their way under his shirt. When did that happen? Smiling, I passed it off as a joke, “Comparing our abs, you should know that mine are still better.”

“You’re such a creep,” Ryeowook rolled his eyes, pushing my hands away lightly. If I wanted to, I could’ve held on and felt him up, but I let him do as he pleased.

“Did you have a good day?” I yawned, keeping my arm around his shoulders, but backing up enough so we were sitting next to each other.

He swallowed a handful of popcorn before answering, “Yeah, I made a new friend in my music film class. He’s majoring in film production, so he takes the class really seriously. It’s cool.” Ryeowook glanced over at me and nodded. “I think you’d like him.”

“Why?” I tilted my head to look at him more easily.

“Well, because you like movies too, don’t you?” Ryeowook asked curiously, “that’s what we do every Saturday: watch movies.”

How could I tell him I only did that so we could be alone? I couldn’t. “Ah, you’re right. What’s his name?”

Ryeowook fished out his phone, scrolling through his contacts to a name. “It’s Siwon.” He handed me the phone thoughtlessly.

So that was the fucker’s name. It was obvious that he had a thing for Ryeowook. Why else would he give him his number that easily? “Hey, could you get me a drink?” I smiled at him, still holding onto the phone.

“Yeah sure, what do you want?” Ryeowook got up, heading towards the kitchen.

“Water is fine,” I muttered, lying down on the couch. The moment I saw him disappear around the corner, I transferred the number to my phone. It was about time I met this Siwon person.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

So let me take you on a trip back in time since we’re waiting now for Siwon to show up at the restaurant. The first person I ever…got rid of was named Eunhyuk. Actually, he was the guy at the movie night where I fell in love with Ryeowook. Even more so, he was the one making eyes at him.

 

Well, things sort of escalated from that time. I started spending a lot of time with Ryeowook and we were getting incredibly close: to the point where I wanted to confess that I felt something between us.

Then I walked in on something.

Ryeowook was whispering something and his voice was all airy and soft. When I entered the bedroom, Eunhyuk had him pinned to the bed, practically attacking him. I didn’t overreact though. I just smiled awkwardly and said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

A minute or so later, Ryeowook came scrambling out of the room, snatching my wrist in a panic and blurting, “W-Wait, Kyuhyun—!”

“—Don’t worry about it,” I hushed, touching his silken hair, “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. I understand.”

His face flushed bright red and then he was hugging me tightly. “It’s nothing serious,” he assured, “he suddenly kissed me…and I…just wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed.” Ryeowook’s voice was muffled against my shoulder and I had to restrain myself from pulling him back only to crush our bodies together. I still regret not saying what I was thinking at that time. If he just wanted to be kissed, I would do it a thousand times over.

“Don’t worry,” I murmured, looking down the hall to see Eunhyuk staring at us. His eyes were a shade darker than usual. Oh man would he be making the biggest mistake of his life soon. Even I didn’t know to what extent I loved Ryeowook.

 

“Kyuhyun?”

I looked up at the tall, broad man. His eyes were light and sincere. “Siwon, nice to meet you,” I greeted with a grin.

“Yeah, yeah,” Siwon nodded eagerly, “wow, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“What do you mean?” I prompted, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, it’s to be expected that Ryeowook would have attractive friends. He’s such a great person and he’s so pretty.” Siwon paused and I thought for a moment whether or not I should use that time to make him permanently silent. “Don’t tell him I said that,” he winked, “I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be called a pretty.”

Strangely, Ryeowook would’ve loved being called pretty. C’mon, he’s gorgeous and he should know it by now. Lord knows I tell him often enough.

“You think I’m attractive?” No, of course I hadn’t missed his disgusting compliment. It’s important to be aware of everything.

“If I didn’t, I would be blind,” he smiled strangely, as if we had chemistry. Maybe in his eyes we did.

I leaned towards him, pressing my hands against his chest. Looking around slowly, I trailed my gaze back up to him and smirked. “Let’s get out of here.” I nodded towards the hotel a block or so down the street.

“Bold, huh?” his voice was low and rough as he hooked his arm around me and lead me swiftly towards the hotel.

Too easy. Always, always, always.

Someone like this was trying to get in Ryeowook’s pants. Everyone is trying to get into Ryeowook’s pants. He’s a fucking psycho. I’m doing the world a favor by taking care of perverse scum like him. Most importantly, I can keep my best friend safe. He shouldn’t ever have to be exposed to pain like this.

Once we arrived and made our way into the room, he was all over me like expected. I pushed him off for a second to pop a pill into my mouth, swallowing it dry. His eyebrow cocked up. “What was that?”

“A mint,” I shrugged, sitting back on the bed, grinning in that perfectly feral way I knew I could pull off. “Any more questions?”

“No,” Siwon chuckled, pushing me down. His hands drove my shirt up and then he was attacking my throat and collar. I closed my eyes, letting him undress me.

It was putrid and filthy and absolutely horrifying. I wanted to rip that tongue out of his mouth. Only one thing ever made me enjoy these necessary situations. With a little help from your not-so friendly roofie, I can calm down enough to let someone like this fuck me. More than that though, it makes it easier to hallucinate. When I’m delirious, I can make the person touching me anyone I want.

Sighing, I let a moan slip past my lips as my mind’s eye morphed the feeling of those formerly hideous lips into the wonderful touch of Ryeowook. He was above me, dominating me because I let him. Of course it wasn’t the best, but when you love someone in, it’s difficult to dislike them doing anything to you.

Blood was slowly making its way down to where he had my legs wrapped around his poorly clad hips.

I slid a hand between us, popping his jeans and carefully unzipping around the massive bulge. “I want you,” I breathed, pushing my hand inside his boxer-briefs. Fuck, he felt good. My body arched up and I smiled between pants. Gritting my teeth, I struggled not to call out Ryeowook’s name, wishing so badly for that body to be his.

 

The room was dark by the time I woke up. There were arms around my waist and I smirked. It was the only gamble I made, but it was barely a gamble. I had seen the way his eyes shined as if he thought we were made for one another. Guys could rationalize in strange ways.

Perhaps in Siwon’s eyes, I was just easy because I felt our connection. We had been speaking for roughly a week through texts and calls. It was a match made in heaven, certainly.

Bull fucking shit. Funny, really.

I pried his arms off of me, climbing out of bed and searching for my jacket on the floor. There was a slight pain in my lower back and then I noticed the slow discoloring between my legs. Perfect.

“Why aren’t you in bed, sweetheart?” his sleepy voice mumbled.

“Just had to get something…,” I muttered, slipping the bottle of pills out before pushing them into the back pocket of his discarded jeans.

Siwon was up though, the blanket pooling around his hips. “Come here,” he waved his outstretched hands.

Ah, what I would give to break those right off. I climbed into his lap, straddling him without shame. “Can we get some drinks?” I nibbled his ear, sliding my fingertips across his muscled body.

“Of course,” he reached over, grabbing the phone and dialing food service. His only redeeming quality would have to be that he was rich.

It doesn’t take much for straight laced kids to get wasted; not because they’re lightweights, it’s because they want to get drunk. People have to make an effort to seem stereotypically drunk. Half a bottle of wine and I’m sure he would be more than ready to goof around. Hell, he probably would’ve been okay with anything even sooner than that. But we have to be sure that his blood alcohol level is high enough. It’s very important.

 

***

 

“Kyuhyun?! Kyuhyun! Are you okay?” Ryeowook threw himself at me and I caught him tightly. Shudders rippled through me at the sparks flying between our bodies. I buried my face in his neck, tears still falling from my eyes.

“I’m fine,” I whispered hoarsely.

“The paramedics said you had cuts and b-blood…and…,” he was sobbing then too and all I could attempt was to hug him tighter. “D-Did he r-really _rape_ you?” Ryeowook’s voice was full of beautiful anguish. He covered his mouth in horror, “A-And…and he…” I pulled back, gazing down into his red face. His trembling fingers hooked around my wrists, holding me. “Kyuhyun…I’m so sorry…I-I thought he was normal…stable…I don’t know how I can apologize…”

“It’s not your fault,” I assured gently, wincing at the dull pain in my cut arms, “I was the one who approached him. I didn’t have to. He’s the one who went over the balcony. It’s not our fault.” Ryeowook shook his head vehemently, but I just smiled and embraced him again. “I’m fine…I’ll be fine…”

“I swear I’ll protect you,” Ryeowook promised, curling his fingers into my shirt. “You’ll never be in danger like this again…okay, Kyuhyun?”

My eyes trailed over to the body bag being rolled into the ambulance before shifting over to the dark stain on the concrete. Resting my head atop Ryeowook’s, I peered skyward, seeing the white curtains of a hotel room fluttering out over the balcony. “He can never hurt anyone again,” I kissed his hair softly. “No one will ever hurt us.”

“Mmhmm,” Ryeowook nodded, his tears soaking my chest. 

 

 


End file.
